you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
