he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
