he puts the penis in happiness.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
