i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize