I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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