we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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