how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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