Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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