That's intense
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
