dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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