idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize