he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
