on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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