I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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