Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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