in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
