he shaved USA in his pubs
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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