have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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