I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize