"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
