dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
