I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
