I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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