loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
