It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
