Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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