I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
