quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I want is dick and wine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize