Acid is not a monday night drug
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
