Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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