I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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