That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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