3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
