these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I came so hard my ears popped.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize