Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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