sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
