these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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