After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
