we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
