think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
