I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
