Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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