he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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