We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
