I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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