I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
