I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
only you would photoshop your dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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