I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
