she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
