how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
