So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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