the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
