so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
