I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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