You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
