Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
