Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
