It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
