He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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