you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
