I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
