when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
