I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
