My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
