Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
