I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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