Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
