Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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