We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
