i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
