i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
