i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
