Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
