Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
