they need to just BURY HIM!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
