he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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