Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize