the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
