never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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