dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize