Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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