If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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