and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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