A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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