i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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