Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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