Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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