It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
