Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
