This house was built for laser tag.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
