Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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