it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
