I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize